What a title, but the past few weeks have been tough. I start a blog post, then I stop that blog post. For some reason my thought process is so jumbled that I do not know where to begin or even how to form the sentence to express my feelings or thoughts.
I have a pulling on my heart, a calling I think, to do something where I am completely at a loss of how to accomplish it. I think, or I know what God is telling me to do, but am am feeling quite inadequate to fulfill that call.
Wait, that sounds bad, let me try this again. I feel a calling to do something, but am very confused on maybe the exact calling, or not the exact calling, but the means of fulfilling that call. That is not right either, because if God is calling me to do something he will make it possible, so what I am trying to say, is I feel that I am not ready. Which is not right either, because I am ready, I am doubting myself.
Wow, again I am not making any sense.
This mission trip was an extreme eye opener for me this year. This trip was very different than the last trip, because on the last trip, I knew that I was called to return, and I really thought I had a good handle on why I was returning to the DR for the second time. This trip was harder on the terms of being fulfilled in why I thought I was there, and really looking back I think God was revealing himself to me in a way that was so evident that I was trying very hard to look away because I am not that person that he is saying that I am. Do you understand what I am trying to say?
At this point I am wanting to stop writing because I am so confused that I feel that I am not making any sense, but i am determined to get this out.
I have a vision on what I feel needs to happen, but I think I am letting the fear of the unknown hold me back. The fear of failure or maybe the lack of know how to accomplish what needs to transpire to make this vision come to fruition.
I had a great talk with our associate pastor today and also with my cousin and if I could tap into just a little bit of my cousins awesome “it will happen not matter what” spirit, half the battle would be won!
Pray for me, pray for the clarity of what God is telling me. I need to quit doubting and fully trust, and right now I am holding on too tight.
7 Comments:
Oh sweet friend, when God calls you to a work....he has gone before you, goes with you and behind you. He gives you everything you need to do the work. he would not call you and then not equip you!!!
Trust and take the first step. He gives us enough "manna" for the day!!!
praying for you!!
In those moments when my vision is clouded by my human limitations or fear of the unknown God is always compassionate to use His living and active word to confirm what I already know in my heart.
I am confident that God will reveal His perfect and pleasing will for you and your new direction.
PS 18:30 As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the LORD is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in him.
PHP 4:4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
I will be praying for clarity, discernment, peace, courage and a real sense of His pleasing and perfect will.
RO 12:2 ...then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will.
and now I am tired and I am going to bed!
Blessings my sweet sister
Robin
Ok now you have me just as confused as you are!! Just kidding! Just know that I love you and will be praying for you.
I completely understand what you are saying. However, God has equiped you to do what he has called you to do. What did someone say, he doesn't call the qualified, he qualifies the called. You my sweet friend are called. I will pray for you.
Praying for your clarity and thanking God for your willingness to do His will and be so careful in making sure you are doing His will. =)
Doubt is the devils work. Trust and let God speak to you. I will pray that he speaks to you loud and clear.
I can relate to being confused about feeling called to something yet not being able to just follow that call without being able to see all of it! It is the control freak in me! :) Do pray and I will do the same for you!!
Lunch next week? We have a LOT to catch up on, you know!!!
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